Staff Reflections: Hope and Trust

Staff Reflections: Hope and Trust

From Lia Mai Puskar, Preschool Director …

Happy New Year, everyone! I, for one, am not too sad to have 2019 in the record books. For me, much of the year was defined by surgery and recovery; a hip replacement in January, and a knee replacement in December. Woohoo!

As you may have heard, yes, knee replacement is FAR more painful than hip replacement. Recovery was going along as knee recovery goes- slowly, painfully, but essentially in the right direction.  On Day 12 post-surgery, December 30th, I woke up feeling GREAT. YAY! The worst of it was over! THIS is how I’m supposed to feel! It was positively amazing. All morning and early afternoon went along dandily. Then, I had to go down and back up the steps to get something. Surprisingly, with both hip and knee surgery, steps are really not difficult with the handrail and a cane. It sounds much scarier than it actually is.  After completing the steps, something happened- something awful.  Suddenly I couldn’t walk. I couldn’t put an ounce of weight on my left leg. It was among the worst pain I have EVER experienced. I somehow limped and hopped my way to the nearest couch. Unbearable pain. Immediate visible swelling. Instantly I prayed, “God, I beg of you that I didn’t ruin my knee just now!” A quick call to my husband, who raced home. Lots of tears, gasping for breath-ok, I sound like I was on a battlefield dying, but I pretty much felt that way. I was certain something awful had happened- the entire knee replacement must have shifted! They’ll need to do surgery again! Please, anything but that! I was in an absolute panic. Off to my orthopedists office for them to look at it. The x-ray determined there had been no shift. Thank you, God! But the x-ray, of course, doesn’t show soft tissue, so the theory is that I either tore the bottom part of the quadriceps muscle that’s just above the knee, or I tore the scar tissue that was forming. Not common, but it happens. Simply by walking on the steps? Yes…..I probably went a little too quickly, considering I was feeling so great. 😕 It can cause that type of pain?! Yes, indeed.

So now, I was set back by at least a week. More rest for the knee; keep icing it. Back to walking with pain and a grimace on my face. My hope of returning to work immediately after our Christmas break had to wait. My hope of another remarkable recovery post-surgery was history. My hope of being able to attain the proper, full use of my knee has been delayed. Naturally, I recognize that these delays are minimal compared to what so many suffer. But it did make me realize how our hopes can be so very important to us, and we put so much into them, and yet in the blink of an eye, they’re dashed. I did have to pray, and pray hard, for God to get me through this. I know He’s answered those prayers already, helping me put all of this into perspective; after all, this, too, shall pass. But I’d be lying if I didn’t say that it really did make my heart sick. I did have a very good pity party for myself; I’m sorry that you all missed it. 😉

I know that God knows and hears my longing, and is eager to fulfill me. I so look forward to that, with a new appreciation and understanding of what so many endure in terms of their health and countless personal issues….perhaps it’s a newfound empathy that I thought I already had, but has certainly grown exponentially. For me, keeping focused on the fulfillment through Him is the only way to make sense of it all. It’s a complicated world for us to navigate, with plenty of trials and tribulations- thank God He’s here to help us all through it all! Now I look forward to 2020, praying for healing and good health, for one and all. 

Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.  Proverbs 13:12